Blood, Sweat and Tears
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Missing Scene from Seeing Red. Xander ingores Buffy's pleas to leave Spike alone after the attack. But he finds he cannot finish the job when Spike begs for the very thing Xander wants.


Blood Sweat and Tears

_Blood, Sweat and Tears_

Xander looked at Buffy huddled against the toilet and he couldn't think straight. He knew they never should have trusted Spike. He was nothing but a monster. He could hear Buffy begging him not to go after Spike but Xander didn't want to listen. He couldn't just let this go. Buffy was his best friend and nothing short of death was going to stop him from giving that filthy creature what he deserved.

"Xander, please don't." Her voice was filled with emotion but he couldn't heed her request, not this time. Before Buffy could move, Xander thundered down the stairs. He ignored Willow's entrance from the back door as he rummaged through the weapons chest. This time he wasn't going to show mercy. There was going to be no one to stop him from completing his task. Gripping the handle of the axe, he stormed out the front door. By the time he'd reached the cemetery, his blood was boiling like molten lava ready to erupt.

In the confines of his crypt, Spike stumbled against the wall. His mind was filled with images, painful, screaming images of what he'd done. He could hear his own voice screaming along with hers, screaming for him to stop. What had he done to her? The one person he wanted more than anything, and he'd done this to her.

"What did I do?" He reached for the nearest bottle and a glass. It wouldn't help but it was his habit to drown his aches and agonies. He was about to put the glass to his lips when his head was filled with her screams again. Without realizing it, his hand tightened around the glass until it shattered, landing on the floor with a 'crinkle'.

"What have I done?" He didn't expect to get a response and yet here was a familiar voice giving him an answer.

"Destroyed her life. That's what you did, Spike." The vampire looked to see Xander standing in the doorway, wielding an axe. He couldn't stop from laughing. It felt like déjà vu.

"Come to kill me have you?"

"Yeah. But don't worry…it'll be nice and slow." Spike walked into the open area of the crypt, arms outstretched.

"Do your worst then. Come on…let's have it." Xander shook his head, tossing the axe aside. With all the anger that had been brewing inside him, he charged forward, managing to knock Spike to the floor. Things shortly became a blur for Xander as he felt his fists connect with Spike's jaw over and over. And yet, the vampire lay and took each blow.

"Fight back, damn it. Fight back!" Spike coughed, a sliver of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth.

"No." Xander shook his head and grabbed Spike by the front of his shirt, dragging the blond to his feet.

"You're going to fight you pathetic piece of crap."

"No…I'm not." He stumbled backwards, trying to catch his breath.

"I know what I did…I hear her in my head…screaming…crying. And I just want to make it stop."

"Oh I'll make it stop." Xander lunged again; using all the force he could muster to hurt the creature beneath him. With every blow, his anger only intensified. It was if his desire to inflict pain was insatiable.

Wheezing and gasping, Spike finally took a half-hearted swing at Xander. He dodged it with ease but it fed Xander's desire to fight. He didn't care that his own knuckles had long since gone bloody and not just with Spike's blood.

"That all you've got?" Spike could barely stand straight as Xander shook his head.

"I'm not leaving here until you're a pile of dust." Spike nodded.

"Right then. What are you waiting for?"

The beating seemed to go on for ages and Xander's emotions were still running rampant through his body. And still Spike could hear her screams in his head. He willed them to stop but they got louder, more shrill. He collapsed to the ground, his body and mind exhausted. Xander took the opportunity to reach for the axe. He stood over Spike, ready to swing and end it when Spike coughed and spoke.

"Kill me…" It was so soft that Xander had to lean closer.

"What?"

"I said…kill me." A blood soaked cough. "Please."

"You think begging is going to save your life? You think I'm stupid?" Spike shook his head.

"If you don't, I'll do it myself. Hand it over and I'll do it."

Xander stood over Spike's battered and blood covered body, axe still poised in his hands. Spike was serious. He wanted to die. In that moment, all the will left Xander's body. He wanted to kill Spike, with every fiber of his being but he couldn't do it because _Spike_ wanted it. That changed everything. It would be giving him what he wanted and that wasn't acceptable. Xander shook his head and threw the axe down. It landed mere inches from Spike's head. Without a word Xander walked to the door, not bothering to look back.


End file.
